currentdilemma's Journals on Buzznet

I Never Told What I Do For A Living 1

currentdilemma — 2009-04-11T23:11:00Z

Ryan stood there stunned. His heart was beating rapidly more than anything he had ever felt before. Adrenaline coursed through his veins. He couldn't believe what he had just done. He felt his whole body go numb,and whatever he had in his right hand clattered to the floor. His knees buckled beneath him and he fell to the floor with a thud. He glanced at his arm and saw little red rubies quickly making their way down away from his cuts, and dropping on to the floor. He slightly raised his eyes and peeked at the pool of warm, sticky, crimson liquid on the floor less than 10 feet away. He couldn't stand to look at it for long because it was a reminder of what had happened less than ten minutes ago. Ryan had never felt more alone and wished he could erase the last few minutes, few months from his memory and history. Turning back time was impossible and it hurt him deeply.

He didn't care that his t-shirt was splattered in blood, and just curled into a fetal position on the floor and tried to choke bak tears. His hot tears stung his eyes as they poured out. He couldn't hold them in but he refused to cry. He wiped away his tears and let out a loud, long, painful blood-curdling scream instead. It didn't make a difference, he felt just as bad if not worse. He couldn't help but to replay the current events over and over again. Ryan shuddered and wanted it to stop. He took a deep breath and tried to clear his mind He needed to think clearly if he was going to the responsible thing.

Ryan took out his phone and dialed 9-1-1. As he waited he took deep breaths to calm his nerves.

"Hello, this is 9-1-1. What is your emergency?" asked a woman's voice through the receiver.

Ryan cleared his throat and took another deep breath. "Uh, I would like to report that a few people have been shot and are possibly dead," he said trying to be calm as voice wavered.

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Ryan now waited silently for the police to arrive. His body was still slumped on the floor unwilling to move. His eyes returned to the mess on the floor. All he could see was crimson and he shivered. It made him dizzy by just looking at it. The scent was strong and it made his head spin. He tried to slowly sit up but as soon as he did, he emptied the contents of his stomache on to the floor. HIs throat burned, but he just ignored it and wiped his mouth and continued to slowly get up. As soon as he had done so, Ryan noticed the flashing red and blue bright lights outside the window. There was a pounding on the door.

"This is the police! Open up!" demanded an officer.

Ryan forze on the spot anad started to panic. His hands began to shake and tremble.

"Okay then we're coming in!" yelled the same offiecer.

They busted down the door and the first thing they noticed was Ryan standing there frozen.

"Are you Ryan Ross?" one of the officers asked.

Ryan nodded his head slowly.

"Put your hands up in the air where we can see them and then slowly get down on your knees," shouted the same officer.

Ryan did as he was told. One of the officers then roughly shoved Ryan's arms behind his back and handcuffed him.

"You are under arrest for the charges of a possible three homocides. Anything you say will be used against you in a court of law."

It didn't matter if the officer said that or not. Ryan wasn't in the mood to say anything. He preferred silence anyway. They lifted him to his feet and pushed him towards the door. As soon as he had stepped out, Ryan heard someone say in disgust, "I can't believe that motherfucker would do something like this."

Ryan's head hung low. What had he done? How could he have let this happen? He knew that it had all seemed like such a good idea at the time, but he was so stupid. He never usually let his emotions get the best of him. As he contemplated, he was shoved roughly into the car. Ryan watched as the houses became smaller and smaller the farther they drove away. He had lost his freedom and just about everything, but all he could hope for was that everything was going to be okay. This however was clearly not a possible option. He soon discovered how truly annoying his handcuffs were. They were hard, cold, and hurt his small wrists. He deserved and knew it, but these handcuffs were the least of his problems as they got closer to the station.

What do you think? Comments are greatly appreciated.

Yeah So I'm On Spring Break....

currentdilemma — 2009-03-24T09:00:00Z

I was really lookin forward to spring break until i realized that I had to make up homework for my AP world history class, which i'm currently failing.....but me being a procrastinator won't do it until the last minute. Am I failure or what? But then again life goes on.

Give Me A Reason To Believe This Is Reality (RBL One-Shot)

currentdilemma — 2009-03-06T00:37:00Z

So here I sit in my reserved seat, anticipating when Panic at the Disco will take the stage. I mean the concert is great and all but I'm not that big of a fan of Dashboard Confessionals. I'm ecstatic to be here at the Allstate Arena in my hometown Chicago! This is the first time that I'll get to see them live because I haven't had the chance before. There is only one problem; I'm here alone! None of my friends came because either they didn't have the money or they hated the band/didn't want to come. I feel like my older sister ditched me. When I first asked her she said she would be able to go. However, a month later that changed. She cancelled her ticket because her credit card had maxed out and she needed the money. I understand why she had to do that, but I wish she wouldn't make promises she can't keep. This isn't the first time she's let me down either. I know I look like a loser and thats okay. I just wish that I had somebody to share this with. Thats all I'm asking for. "Some concert, ey?" said a guy who had just sat down next to me. I looked around to make sure that he was talking to me. I turned to face him I noticed that he was wearing navy blue skinny jeans, a red plaid shirt with a black vest, and believe it or not sunglasses! "Uh, yeah sure is" I replied still not entirely sure he was speaking to me. He was looking at me and I was soaking in every detail. He had pale skin that was illuminated by the lights from the stage. His dark hair was slightly tousled like he had just rolled out of bed. He looked genuinely friendly with a smile on his face. I was amazed at the fact that he still kept his sunglasses on. "If you say so. The lead singer of Dashboard Confessionals is a total whack job, and the singer from The Cab-you know the dude with the semi-fro...," he paused waiting for my response. I nodded. "Alex, you mean." "Uh, yeah. So anyway he tried to steal my sunglasses! What an ass! I can't even begin to list all the things I hate about that band Panic at the Disco. They're literally a bunch of geeks who haven't had any action and thought the best way to get some was to start a band! Their music and lyrics are a bunch of shit. The lead singer of the band is the biggest asshole of all. He acts like he's the shit cuz all these teenager girls want to have his baby. What kind of sick shit is that?" he asked incredulous, his voice tinged with what appeared to be annoyance. "Well, for someone who hates the band so much, why are you at one of their concerts?" I asked irritated. At my response he seemed clearly amused. Did I miss something? He was grinning, and I tried really hard not to smile back. I failed:his smile was contagious, and he was really good-looking. He really did remind me of someone. I just couldn't put my finger on it. He was undoubtedly a stranger and I couldn't stay mad at him. I have a SERIOUS mental problem! "To put it simply, I'm forced to be here. I can't help it" he shrugged. "Ah, so your girlfriend dragged you along" I stated rather dryly. I couldn't help but to feel a little disappointed, as I said this. I was as pathetic as it sounds, flirting with him shamelessly. Maybe I would burn in hell. He shook his head. "Nope just forced to be here," he sighed. "Why exactly?' I was curious, so shoot me. "Just cuz," he said while smiling mischievously. He really did have the most beautiful smile. I couldn't help but to blush. Thank god for the darkness. "Uh-huh. Maybe you just have no life," I added as an afterthought. "Yeah, you're pretty much right," he agreed nonchalantly. I shook my head and sighed. "So why are you wearing sunglasses? You do realize that its dark in here, right?" "Ah so it is? I hadn't noticed," he commented sarcastically. "Smart ass" I muttered. His face fell into a frown. I ialmost regretted saying that, even though I was only joking. I can't help it if he looks so unbearably cute when he does that face. "You've really hurt me. I'm emotionally scarred! How can I go on knowing everyone hates me?" he retorted, a smile playing at the edge of his lips. I rolled my eyes. He was seriously mentally challenged. "You mentioned that Alex tried to steal your sunglasses. How did that happen?" I inquired skeptically, scrutinizing his face for a hint of a joke or sarcasm. "Long story short; he liked my sunglasses and tried to steal them, but I got them back" he stated casually. His expression gave away nothing. "You sure go into specific detail," I scoffed. "and how do you know the guys from The Cab?" "Its for me to know, and for you to never find out!" he taunted, a smug smirk spread across his face. He was too smug for his own good. I watched him sit there comfortably with his arms crossed against is chest. My eyes narrowed and I glared. "You're original" I stated sarcastically. "Yeah well I try" he laughed. I allowed myself to smile. Its not like I could honestly dislike him. I really wondered if he could hear my heart beating. It sounded like someone had put a microphone to it and was blasting over the speakers. "I didn't catch your name ." "I never gave it to you," I smirked at my comeback. I watched his expression change from smug to just a simple smile. "Well, in that case may I ask for it?" he asked. "Its Raven" I murmured. "Thats a pretty odd name. I like it!" he chuckled. "Er...thanks. And yours is?" i asked rather stupidly. I always sound stupid. Its one of my many flaws. "Well to tell you the truth..." he paused "I don't think I remember it," as he bit hit lip and pretended to look dazed and confused. "Come on! You're being unfair. Please!" IM pleaded with him. He shook his head, being stubborn. "Ok will you at least take off your sunglasses?" I begged. He shrugged, but then slowly removed his sunglasses revealing his dark eyes. I couldn't look away, his eyes were mesmorizing. He held my gaze and I couldn't help but to stare back. So of course being the retard that I am, I ruined the moment by opening my big mouth. "So how about your name?" I asked being relentless. I wasn't giving up. What could be so bad about his name? He cocked his head slightly sideways."Thats classified information. If I told you I would have to kill you!" he declared dramatically in mock defiance. He really was a bad actor. I could see he wsa trying hard not to crack a smile. I sighed. "NIce try." He scowled at me. "don't judge me!" "Yeah okay whatever primmadonna!" I mocked him. "Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful!" he challenged. I would never win, and sadly he knew it too."So really what is your name?" I tried one more time. He was wearing me down. All of this to find out his name! He sat there quietly, not moving. HIs face was scrunched up in thought and he looked conflicted with whatever he was thinking about. He then glanced over at me and studied. He scooted closer to me and leaned in close to my ear. He muttered softly,"Brendon." I watched him watch me. What was he waiting for? Brendon, geez, was that so hard to tell me? Wait his name is Brendon, where have I heard that name before.... It was then that reality hit me like a massive brick wall. I was conversing with the one and only Brendon Urie. I felt my expression go from confusion ro complete embarrassment, while Brendon was watching. It was then that Brendon burst into laughing. I was not pleased that I was some sort of entertainment for him. Its not funny" I stammeredas i felt my face flush and get completely heated up. Brendon just nodded, just grinning. "Do you do this often to see what reaction you're gonna get? I'm surprised you haven't been kidnapped and raped," I said curtly. "Nope, you're the first person I've ever..... I sorta wanted to get some air. You know talk to someone who didn't know who I was, " Brendon clarified gently, but still wore that crooked smile of his. I grinned back at him." You really are askin for it." Brendon raised his eyebrows. " Askin for what?" he said slyly. I groaned and mentally smacked myself. "I really want to hurt you." "Yeah, I know," Brendon laughed. He then pulled out his sidekick and put it away. "Shit, I gotta go, I'm going on soon. From the text Zach sent me, everyone is pretty pissed that I've disappeared." "You gotta do what you gotta do," I stated. He nodded, but stood there. "Come on, let's go." I gave him a quizzical look. He shook his head and sighed. He then grabbed my hand and pulled me up. "Come on, you're gonna make me late," he said while trying to pull me in the direction he wanted to go. "Wait where are going?" I asked still confused, and trying not to stumble and fall as Brendon pulled me along. e then turned around and faced me. He leaned closely to me and whispered in my ear, "Don't worry, just trust me." I stared blankly into his dark brown eyes, still confused. Before I realized it, he had moved his his face closer to mine and kissed me softly on the cheek. His lips were soft and gentle and sweet. I then started wonder what they would feel like on my lips, but then I decided to snap out of it. He then lead me on toward the stairs, more slowly. I followed dumbfounded. Brendon kept looking at me and smiling that crooked smile, and i couldn't help but to smile back. As we made our way to the main foyer, I heard some girl in the back scream,"Oh My God! Its BRENDON URIE!!!" It was then that I realized that my heart was still beating nbelievably fast and loud. Adrenaline coursed through my veins and I was loving every minute of it. I looked down at the hand that was intertwined with my own. Was this reality or make-believe?